Sam D’Allesandro.
“When it happens it’s like the film broke in mid-reel, you don’t expect it and you’re still expecting everything you were before. Everything in my life except me was suddenly different. Eventually that would make me different too, but it takes a while to catch up. Someone said the pain would go away, but I’m not sure that’s where I want it to go. It’s how I feel him most sharply. Without it, every move I make echoes because he’s not here to absorb me. I don’t like bouncing back at myself. A dead lover wants your soul, wants your life, and then your death too. And you give it, it’s the only way to feel anything again. Take the death as a lover and sleep with it and eat it and purge it and suck it back in quick. And finally it’s no event, it’s nothing that happened, it’s just you: an anger and a beauty that never really goes away. Not something you can wait out as it disappears, nothing ever really just disappears.”
